Candida overgrows and presents in the blood when the immune system is suppressed. Even if it is "cleared up" through a very restricted diet, the problem will return when a person begins eating good carbs and fruits again. Finding out what is damaging your immune system and reestablishing balance is the key to being well again. I've only seen this achieved through naturopathic medicine (conventional doctors really don't know enough to help people with this problem). When the body is in balance, candida is a beneficial organism that fights off harmful bacteria.

Tags: candida, immune system

I have Valley Fever (coccidioidomycosis fungal infection) in the disseminated form. This is the hardest form to treat, and treatment may take a long time. I was much surprised to learn that VF is very prevalent in some areas. For example, last year in Arizona, there were 50,000 cases of Valley Fever reported each month from January through December -- that's about 1,600 cases per day! O_O (Data according to ValleyFeverSurvivor.com.) Since I'm all about passing on data, here are a few links to check out:

::Map of most affected places in the United States::
::Wikipedia article on Valley Fever::
::Valley Fever Diagnosis, symptoms, background::
::Valley Fever in Animals - Dogs::
::Map of areas with Valley Fever::

I had wondered why it is still so very difficult and painful to breathe sometimes, why my heart is weak and doesn't beat well, and why, even though my health had not been as bad after beating systemic Candida, I am still ill and have even seemed to be regressing. Throughout this time, it seemed to me that I could never really get well, but I didn't know why. I had no idea what was causing my body to keep being autoimmune, why it wasn't being corrected even though I wasn't doing anything wrong -- on the contrary, I eat only healthy things, take beneficial supplements, and avoid bad habits. Well, Valley Fever is reason for my illnesses. It resides in the lungs and spreads to other organs (heart, skin, lymphatic glands, diaphragm, kidneys/urinary tract, reproductive organs, pretty much anywhere). That's why I've gotten so much inflammation and pain and I haven't been able to get well. The fungus in my lungs causes pain and severe difficulty breathing. I feel like a fish out of water, like I'm suffocating, and it's very scary. Thankfully, through my natural healthcare practitioner, I found that inhaling and smelling peppermint or menthol oil that's been dabbed on  a cottonball aids in opening up my lungs a little bit so that I don't suffocate to death. Asthma medications and steroids don't work -- as a matter of fact, drugs can lead to an even worse infection because (steroids, for example) weaken your immune system. I've been much damaged by drugs and antibiotics, so I avoid drugs. I've seen far better results with natural treatments. I highly recommend seeing an experienced naturopathic or homeopathic doctor in person (not through correspondence!) for exam, treatment, and advice on this condition.

The fungus has caused the right side of my jaw to become feverish and painfully swollen (the inflammation is a little bit less right now), with many abscesses on that area of the skin. Several weeks ago, I had an enlarged lymph gland on that side of my neck without knowing any reason for it, but I guess this is why. My joints feel terrible. I've gotten many other symptoms as well, which my foggy mind can't really focus to recall right now, but I've had a lot of extreme tiredness, having to sleep a lot, and malaise (feeling sick).

I had a blood test done, but the fungus couldn't be found this way because it is hiding in the tissues. The parts of me affected are the diaphragm, lungs, heart, joints, lymph glands, kidneys/urinary tract, "female parts" (that's what I was told, but I guess this means ovaries because that area of the pelvis below my lower abdomen gets swollen and very painful). But I guess it's pretty much in all of my organs. I developed kidney and urinary tract damage and tissue was coming out in my urine. It also affected my motor functions, as demonstrated mainly by a problem with my left arm; it was weak and I had a problem with movement and bad coordination (the other arm would sometimes get it as well). My natural healthcare provider is afraid that, since it has manifested itself on my neck and jaw (I have much inflammation and many abscesses), infection of the tissues may spread to the cranial nerves... spinal cord and brain. :-( Scary! People have died from this. Needless to say: I don't want to die! Treatment is long-term, but I am going steady with it, so hopefully I can do better. At least I've been able to breathe a little bit better. If you want to get rid of this fungus from your body, the best way to kill it is to starve it -- so I'm doing the anti-fungal diet once more (the same thing that helped me get rid of Candida), but for a much longer period of time, possibly a year.

My immune system is low and I'm pretty weak, so I'm at high risk of severe damage from this disease. Wikipedia's page on coccidioidomycosis says this: "...those particularly susceptible may develop a serious or even fatal illness from valley fever. Serious complications include severe pneumonia, lung nodules, and disseminated disease, where the fungus spreads throughout the body. The disseminated form of valley fever can devastate the body, causing skin ulcers, abscesses, bone lesions, severe joint pain, heart inflammation, urinary tract problems, meningitis, and often death."

So how did I contract this horrible disease? The southwestern area of the United States naturally contains the coccidioidomycosis fungus which causes Valley Fever. The fungus resides in the dust, and it's spread through the air, so people breathe it in as it travels in the wind. Animals can also get it! Dogs have the highest incidence of VF in animals. I've read that some experts say VF is even more dangerous than anthrax, and it's listed as an agent in bioterrorism. Some people with extreme cases die. Thousands of people are diagnosed with it every year, and the incidences have skyrocketed in the past 10 years. Just last year alone, there was a record-breaking number in people diagnosed with it (experts think it's due to the drought). Anyone who visits or lives in the Southwest is exposed to this threat, and it's so easy to get it (just breathe in the air and you're at major risk of becoming infected!). It's crazy.

And what's more, I read that some authorities have tried keeping it a lid on information about this danger because if tourists or potential residents found out about it, it would be very bad for the economy. :-( ! How terrible! Instead of withdrawing information from the public (since, yes, not many people know about it, even though we live here within the most affected areas), a plan should be instituted to help people know how to prevent becoming infected... though there's not much you can do. Wearing a mask if it's windy or polluted outside is one thing that's highly stipulated by knowledgeable doctors who have treated this disease, so at least people should be alerted to do this. Some have said that a warning should be broadcasted when the forecast shows it will be windy or the air will be heavily polluted, because this is when the fungus mostly spreads.

Message to those who want to travel to the southwest, especially places like Arizona and dusty California: Beware! It's best not to vacation there. But if you do, wear a mask if you have to go outside and it's windy. Better yet, stay indoors. There's no real way to prevent it once you're there because it's spread through the air, so the best thing you can do is to just avoid that area on the map (see the affected areas on Wikipedia). Go vacation or move somewhere else. That's the only way to avoid infection.

This fungus does not affect only people; it also affects animals, especially dogs. Now I'm scared that my beloved dog will develop it. ...Oh, no! I have no way of preventing her from getting it, and she's at such high risk because she digs in the dirt a lot, and it's very dusty and windy where I live. :-(

Tags: breathing, dog, heart, joints, lungs, pain, valley fever
Current Mood: worried

First composed on 2-9-11; updated today.
My digestion has greatly improved through natural means, and I no longer have daily stomach pain like I used to.  :-) I can't say how happy I am. With things the way they were going, I never thought I would get better, but my severe problems with daily pain, gastroparesis, malnutrition, and chronic heartburn have been greatly alleviated. I still have a problem digesting things due to reduced stomach acid production, which is likely due to years of prescription stomach-acid reducers. (All those ignorant doctors... `:-{ Makes me angry that they never knew how to take care of me, and that they put me through so much frustration, painful diagnostic tests, and gave me so many useless and unnecessary drugs, which, by the way, only severely hurt me but never helped!) 

Right now, I depend on stomach acid-support pills and enzymes to digest and absorb food, but my natural-medicine doctors and my own conventional healthcare provider say that once my body heals itself, my digestion will be able regulate itself.

Chinese orchid and osha root tinctures got my small intestine to work again, while broad-spectrum digestive enzymes and stomach acid support pills (containing betaine HCl and hydrochloric acid) allow me to eat solid, healthy foods again. For example, I can eat oranges, apples, salad greens, solid foods... things I had stopped being able to eat not so long ago. Since I was without being able to eat pretty much anything for so long, I'm still automatically cautious about what I eat. Being able to eat nutritious, whole foods is good feeling that I'm still getting used to. It makes you feel good when you can digest what you eat, if what you consume is healthy for your body. When I have trouble digesting things... I get pain and feel very sick, and it drains my whole energy.  

Thanks to my natural doctor and his wife who is a herbalist and does lymphatic drainage therapy, my health has been progressively improving, and I now have a chance at a normal life and a positive future, something that seemed so out of reach for me a few months ago. I'm sure I would be dead or disabled if not for them. My condition was so bad that I was certain I was going to die soon. My mother and my regular-healthcare practitioner were also afraid that I wasn't going to survive long. My condition was such that I could hardly move or breathe, it was very painful to breathe, my lungs and heart were very weak, all of my organs hurt badly, my body was very toxic from the inside, my skin was an ugly yellow color, my digestive system had stopped working almost completely, I was starving and severely malnourished without being able to absorb nutrition, constantly dehydrated from being unable to drink enough water, and Candida fungus was colonizing my body, killing me from the inside. Candida gets out of control when your body becomes autoimmune, as is my case. This autoimmune condition triggers Candida to grow throughout your body and releases numerous toxins to try to decompose you, even if you're still alive, which is what it's supposed to do after you're dead. Candida is not a bad organism; it was just trying to do one of its duties. In a healthy body, Candida acts as a beneficial flora and protects the individual against harmful bacteria. With special immune-support supplements, natural antioxidants, and a healthy diet, my autoimmune condition is not as bad as it was before. I feel much better and stronger than a couple of months ago.

Although my body is still weak, still recovering, and I am not yet fully well, I am much better than before. My doctors say it will still take time for my body to fully heal. I hope that I can get strong and healthy enough to work so that I can be my parents' support, and also take better care of my dog. Whatever I do, I hope I can help others with natural medicine the way it helped me, because there are so many people that need it.

Tags: digestive problems, gastroparesis, gerd, healthy food, heartburn, homeopathy, naturopathy, stomach acid
Current Mood: happy

My enzymes ran out and I didn't have any at all yesterday. Over the weekend, I had to ration them and I did okay, with the exception of Sunday night (I got heartburn from being unable to digest an orange I ate at night). I was scared to eat anything yesterday, but I thought, "At least I still have some HCl acid/betaine pills."

Surprisingly, I didn't have a major problem digesting my food. I was fine after my meals. No indigestion and heartburn EVEN THOUGH I ate a good-sized chunk of cheese -- which I expected would cause me pretty bad problems because it's high in fat. But, amazingly, I was completely symptom-free. So I see that what I really need is good stomach acid. I know I still need enzymes, but I noticed many times that taking enzymes with my meals would still not prevent me from getting indigestion and the dreaded, awful heartburn. Proper stomach acid is the key to good digestion, protection from bacteria in food, and prevents heartburn.

To anyone who has frequent, unrelenting heartburn, I advise them to try stomach acid support pills. For many, many years, all the doctors I consulted kept giving me prescription antacids (and I still got worse and worse), but my chronic digestive problem wasn't due to "over-production" of stomach acid; it was the exact opposite. This was something I found out by myself after years of suffering and getting useless drugs and advice from doctors. >;[ I'm sure many people go through the same thing.

The stomach acid pills I use contain a blend of hydrochloric acid, betaine HCl, pepsin, and a certain type of root (specific name later) to provide adequate stomach acid support.

Caution with Drinking Apple Cider Vinegar - "Not Safe For Daily Use"

I stopped taking apple cider vinegar for stomach acid support because I found out it isn't safe for constant, daily use. One day, I regurgitated a small, fat, bloody piece of flesh after I'd taken a slightly stronger concentration of cider vinegar water (I thought it was okay to do that -- "the more the better," but no, it isn't).
And here it is...

Hope it doesn't freak anyone out.

Before that, I had wondered whether there weren't any dangers associated with drinking vinegar water, which, I now know, there is. After I saw my natural care provider, she told me that it wasn't good to keep drinking cider vinegar daily because "it's terrible for your intestines."

Intestinal damage, esophageal damage, and stomach tissue damage are all associated with drinking apple cider vinegar that's not properly diluted. I wonder, then, is it completely safe to drink it daily when it is properly diluted? However, I would still caution against it because it has to go through your mouth (& teeth) and esophagus first, where the tissues are not meant to resist the acidity or protein-breakdown potential of cider vinegar. Even while diluted, the vinegar drink proved damaging to my teeth, so I had wanted to stop taking it anyway. I switched to the HCl pills on February 9. During my first several days, I felt that the pills weren't feel as effective as the apple vinegar. This is because I had a problem breaking down the capsule to release the granules; but by pulling the capsules so that they're slightly loose and not so compact and then swallowing right before meals, I found that they work very well. And they don't damage my teeth, mouth, or esophagus.

Tags: digestive problems, enzymes, heartburn, indigestion, stomach acid
Current Mood: good

After much searching, I found this information regarding the gallbladder and liver, and I think it's info everyone should be aware of. This is especially important if you have gallbladder problems, liver problems, or if you've had your gallbladder removed (because it's stuff your doctor probably didn't tell you).

From Liverdoctor.com -- please read: http://www.liverdoctor.com/index.php?page=liver-problems&subpage=gall-bladder

Hope you're having a great day! :-)

Tags: gallbladder, liver
Current Mood: cheerful

Chronic heartburn is a red flag indicating another, undiagnosed condition. It is a result, a symptom, not the cause. Left untreated, it can leave the person vulnerable to many serious conditions, including chronic malnutrition, yeast overgrowth in the intestine, decreased immunity, parasite and bacterial infections, and cancer. Once the underlying condition is found and reversed, the patient will no longer have heartburn or the other conditions mentioned. Below are a few problems (with some of their causes) that can lead to chronic heartburn and indigestion:

• lack of sufficient stomach acid (hypochlorhydria) or no acid production (achlorhydria) -- commonly misdiagnosed as "too much" acid in the stomach because it causes the same symptom: heartburn (possible causes: drugs that reduce acidity in the stomach as a side-effect, prolonged use of antacids, damage to the parietal cells in the lining of the stomach, aging -- elderly people are prone to decreased stomach acid production)
• insufficient digestive enzyme production (some causes of this: an autoimmune condition, chronic candidiasis, a problem with the pancreas, a stricture or blockage in the tube(s) leading from the liver or pancreas to the small intestine)
• paralysis or very slow emptying of the small intestine or stomach (some causes: nerve damage, decreased ability to digest food -- lack of enzyme production).

Chronic heartburn is very frequently misdiagnosed and mistreated as an overproduction of acid, when, in reality, there are many people that suffer from the opposite condition -- too little acidity. Because the condition is not treated properly, this leads to many digestive and overall health problems, which, over time, can become very severe. This happens to many people, and it is the same thing that happened to me. No doctor would pay attention to me when I told them that I realized I was unable to digest food after they started me on long-term antacids. They told me I needed to take them because I had an excess of stomach acid (though they never bothered to test whether this was true), and so I took antacids for about 11 years. Meanwhile, my health steadily declined and I developed many other serious problems, including severe yeast overgrowth and chronic malnutrition. I nearly died. But by accurately diagnosing the problems, I've been able to work through many of them. It seems that I'm going in reverse and fixing all the things that had gone wrong in my body, so recently I have been seeing many improvements, which I hope keep getting better. 
 

If you suffer from heartburn and chronic indigestion, how can you tell whether you have too much acid or too little?
 

High-tech Methods of Diagnosis: 
If you talk to your doctor about your condition, he or she may suggest a 24-hour stomach pH test in which a tube is placed in the esophagus to accurately determine whether the stomach is too acidic or too alkaline. This tube must be left in until the next day; a hospital usually places and removes it. 
Another accurate test is the Heidelberg pH capsule test, in which a high-tech capsule is swallowed and sends a reading of the pH in your stomach to a machine as you swallow a bicarbonate solution to see if your stomach can remain acidic. This test may take up to 2 hours and can be performed in a private practice setting.

However, be aware that the above tests are expensive. If you can't afford them, don't worry. There's a low-tech but sure way to tell whether you have too little stomach acid.

Diagnosis Without the Gadgets:
You can easily do this at home as a way to determine if you lack stomach acid. Mix 1 tsp. of raw, organic apple cider vinegar and 1 tsp. of honey in 1 cup of water (lukewarm will help the honey dissolve easier). Drink slowly throughout the day (perhaps a little every hour, preparing more of it as needed), especially before and during a meal. If this relieves your symptoms, then you have a lack of stomach acid and need acid supplementation.

Note about apple cider vinegar: The cloudy type with what is known as "the mother" is preferred because it has additional health benefits; however, you may use the common clear type of apple cider vinegar if you can't find the other one, but I highly recommend the former. One example is Bragg's Organic Apple Cider Vinegar with The Mother).

Treatment is Easy!
Supplements for stomach acid include:

• Taking apple cider vinegar with water and honey throughout the day, before, during, and after meals, or when you feel symptoms, every day. Usually, 1 tsp. of apple cider vinegar with water is enough for most people, but it can be increased up to 1 tbsp. per cup of water. Take small sips -- don't chug it all at once, or you might upset your stomach. And listen to your body; you might only need a little bit of it to relieve symptoms. Drink a little bit each time you feel the burn coming on, then wait. If it helps, you might not have to take more until the next time your symptoms come on. (Be sure to rinse your mouth or brush your teeth afterwards; you don't want the acid from the vinegar lingering on your teeth!)

• Taking Betaine HCl powder capsules. Avoid the tablet form; use the capsules with powder in them because they will release the acid when you need it, not afterwards. The liquid form can be damaging to your teeth and mouth -- so stick with the capsules. 

• Take Glutamic Acid HCl, which help just like Betaine HCl.

Dr. Ron Kennedy of California wrote some excellent advice for people who take HCl capsules (what they should have in them). Be sure to read his informative article on Hypochlorhydria. His information is more comprehensive than what I've written here. I recommend reading it if you have digestive problems and heartburn.

Bee Wilder has some great info on stomach acid, how digestion works, and how you can relieve problems. Go to her page on Stomach Acid Problems. 

( Additional thoughts... )

Tags: acid reflux, gastroenterologist, homeopathy, indigestion, naturopathy, stomach acid
Current Mood: happy

I think I have a problem with my pancreas. I can't tolerate sugar, even a tiny bit, or I'll get sick (major headache, trembling, lightheadedness, weird heartbeat, hypoglycemia-like symptoms); I can't digest ANY type of food -- carbs, protein, or fat (especially fat) -- and I'm heavily dependent on digestive enzyme supplements to be able to eat soft/bland things; and I have pain on the upper left side of my stomach, just beneath the ribs. Sometimes the pain feels like it's along the length of the diaphragm, which separates the lungs from the visceral organs. Left-sided pain has been more frequent now. 

I was frustrated that nothing has been done to help determine why I get sick with sugar even though I'm not diabetic and blood sugar levels are within normal range. The endocrinologist merely looked at my chart, asked me some questions, and said, "It's not hypoglycemia. I'll send your doctor some notes and suggestions so you can determine where to go from there." He didn't try to figure out the problem himself, even though he's the expert on such things. When I questioned my primary doctor about why my blood sugar levels show up as normal when I feel hypoglycemic, she said, "We don't know what your body's doing with insulin." 

That was months ago. As I've noticed my declining ability to digest things or tolerate even minute quantities of sugar, and the rise in pain, I thought late on Sunday, "Isn't the pancreas the organ that produces insulin?" However, because of the pain in my upper left side, I wanted to research what that could be. I've had stomach pain and severe gastritis before, but this doesn't feel like stomach pain. It's different. When I got online to search "pain on left side of stomach beneath ribs," I read that it could be caused by the pancreas, and as I read on I was shocked to find out that all 3 of my chief complaints clearly point to a problem with my pancreas.

I had pain on my upper left side 5 years ago when I saw the first gastroenterologist. He decided to take my gallbladder out (even though right-sided sharp pain after eating fatty foods is more characteristic of gallbladder problems, and this wasn't the case with me), but the pain was still there. Neither he nor any gastroenterologist after him has ever had the sense to connect all my problems and check my pancreas. The only time it was analyzed was a few months ago when I went to the ER for severe gastritis due to uncontrollable bile reflux (brought on by an endoscopy my GI doc performed 2 days earlier -- endoscopies can really make things bad). A CT scan was done because the ER doc wanted to check for a pancreatic tumor, which was negative. 


 

Tags: digestive problems, gastroenterologist, hypoglycemia, pancreas, sugar
Current Mood: hungry

I started seeing a visceral manipulator (my homeopathic doctor's wife) to help the nerves of my GI tract work. She is also a herbalist and gave me two very potent herb tinctures which have been working amazingly well: Chinese orchid and osha root. Progress has been gradual, but very noticeable because now I have some movement in my GI tract, whereas before it was none and I was constantly very sick and having to go to the ER because of it. If there is progress, it will be very gradual, I have been told. But this hope is more than any conventional doctor or "expert" gastroenterologist can offer me. It's so much more than anything any specialist has been able to do for me so far, after so many years of declining health. I think this is the only thing that has the chance to help my digestive tract regain its function again, if only some of it. My body is messed up and out-of-order, but I have definitely felt a positive difference.

Now I just need to keep my spirits up and do my best to follow through properly with taking care of myself as best as I can.

I would like to see just my natural health care practitioners, but there are some things that cannot be taken care of or monitored through alternative means. For that reason, I still need to see regular doctors. Too bad they're broken up into specialties while my main practitioner acts as a router (sends me to them) & keeper of records whom I update every so often. It would be great if I could only see ONE person that would take care of everything, regardless of which range of specialty my problem would fall into. This would make diagnoses more precise and timely. Unfortunately, things aren't so smooth or quick in the real world.

Frustration With 'Modern Medicine':

I saw my doctor yesterday. Since she had me stop seeing the gastroenterologist for his lack of competence, she wanted me to see a specific group of "very good" doctors in my town, but it turns out they don't accept my insurance. So now the referral lady is trying to find some GI specialist to send me to. When she asked me with whom I wanted to go, I said to send me to a good specialist. She doesn't know who is good or not, but she'll send me to one in a major city, and they hope I can get to see him/her sometime soon.

Mainstream conventional medicine is so limited and so... frustratingly ineffective. No one has answers, no one knows how to treat without using things I can't take because they hurt me, and their knowledge is so restricted. From a conventional medical sense, I'm a medical mystery -- a patient with an illness pattern that doesn't fit the books, so they say there's nothing that can be done for me.

The specialists don't even communicate with my primary doctor or review my information to see how the other health problems might connect with each other as clues to make an accurate diagnosis. There's no teamwork, and there's so much waste of time because each doctor sends me to re-test for something basic when it had already been established in my records. And there's so much wasted time between appointments, and between lab/diagnostic work and appointments. Nothing is ever timely, and finding anything out could take weeks. Plus there's no certainty that the test performed on me is the precise one that will help reveal any answers -- bloodwork, specifically, is very specific, and labs will only test for things specified by the doctor, nothing more. The usual pattern is: See the doctor for a problem, have him/her send me to go get bloodwork or tests done, schedule the labwork (if necessary), and wait till the results come back, then see the doctor again to review the results. None of the tests have ever been helpful in determining what was wrong with me.

The lab analyses are very limited as well. Their diagnostic methods suck. For years I had been in pain without knowing why because standard blood tests and x-rays just couldn't catch things. Those tests aren't very accurate or very good at pinpointing problems, I have learned. They're unreliable. It's very unfortunate that they're used as the standard method for diagnosing patients. :-(  I imagine that many, many people do not receive accurate diagnoses. 

Also, I can't see the specific doctors I need because their practices don't accept my low-level health insurance. I also can't get the diagnostic tests I need because my insurance won't cover them; they pay for only the least-expensive things and they're very picky about what they'll accept. I'm grateful to have any insurance at all, but it's frustrating to be wasting time (and money) with several roundabout methods that aren't as effective at finding out what's wrong, when they could just pay for the direct method and find out once and for all what the problem is (thus, avoiding all the other costs that add up). 

Tags: doctors, gastroenterologist, health insurance, healthcare system, herbs, naturopathy, tinctures, visceral manipulation
Current Mood: fatigued

Tags: random thoughts
Current Mood: thoughtful

I have a lot less problems with gastroparesis if I don't eat. I've been mostly just drinking water and taking my supplements. When eating, I have stuck to easy-to-digest, cooked, gluten-free foods, mainly starches. The notes in my food journal indicate that I eat something once a day or every other day. After so long without adequate food intake, my body has gotten used to it and my hunger has waned. I usually don't have an appetite. :-/

Prolonged malnourishment leads to many deficiency-related health problems, so I hope I can get better soon so I can enjoy proper balanced, nutritious meals. For now, though, hopefully this liquid diet/fasting will help my body recover sooner and remove toxins, since I'm able to drink more water. I hope I get better soon.

By the way, I saw my GASTROENTEROLOGIST yesterday (he has a big ego)... He made me angry with his ignorance and haughty attitude (treated me like an ignorant about my own conditions, said that there is nothing that can be done to help me ( Read more... - My homeopathic doctor used to be a regular MD. )

Tags: doctors, gastroenterologist, gastroparesis, homeopathy, naturopathy
Current Mood: calm